Welcome to IDN/ARCHIVE! This is IDN/A's blog

Basically here I'll write about just about everything, what's on my mind, what I'm working on, my current interests, thoughts, a random existential crisis at 3 am(?), well, just about what you'd expect of a blog right?

Not quite sure how often I'll update this yet, as I want to write when I really feel like it, so there's some depth and substance to it and not just trying to fill a void, but let's say atleast once a month for now. Enjoy your stay~

this blog works on mobile as well TEST

It's been a while since the last IDN/Archive. If I'm real, in the middle somewhere I kind of broke the code, and then was too busy to fix it. But I fixed it. Honestly this might be a more sentimental one. But I think in general I really like writing these when there's a lot on my mind. I feel like that's what I want the IDN/Archives to be, kind of like a look into my mind during a certain period. I like them to be introspective. For general chatting I prefer streams ofcourse. but for the IDN/Archive it's more of a deep dive. As I can't always put that to words when I'm streaming.

3DMV, pushing past the limit

I think what I'm going through right now is a period of growth, in the sense that, in the last IDN/Archive I was struggling to find ways to grow as a person. Since then I've been doing kickboxing for 2 months and have been able to build mental resilience. Kickboxing is very intense, it really pushes you past your limits. I had the privilege to grow up with comfort, so to learn how to be uncomfortable and really push myself is a skill I desperately wanted to learn. And then, coincidentally right after I started kickboxing, I applied that to the 3DMV audition. The mental resilience I tasted during my kickboxing training, where during some lessons it would almost seem like I'm coughing my lungs out, and even almost fainted at some point, pushing myself to the limit is what I learned. Because of that new skill, I was able to make the 3DMV in under two weeks, where all I did was waking up, working on it, and sleeping, then waking up to work on it again, often sacrificing sleep. I still remember on the last day, the day of submission, that I had like 3-4 hours of sleep, I was genuinely shaking and at my limit physically, and had to take 5 minute naps inbetween the renders I was doing for it. It wasn't healthy, but I feel happy that I was able to push myself so much. I've always wanted to be this kind of person.

Next steps and resources

So for me it feels like a genuine achievement. The 3DMV feels like the start of a new era to me. There's still so much I want to do when it comes to 3D, so I've been researching a lot and reading up from all kinds of sources. like CGWORLD, Instagram, Youtube, etc. I want to get into Substance Painter and Marvelous designer, but sometimes I need to remind myself to go about it step by step. At the same time I'm asking my peers all kinds of questions, like staff from VSP,Bamfy,Lyroid, and I definitely have them to thank as well for answering my questions while I was making the 3DMV. I made it on my own from scratch, but I also couldn't have done it without having the right resources in my environment.

Gratitude

I'm always reminding myself of gratitude. I feel like life is easier to enjoy when you remind yourself of the things you have that you're happy about. Things are, frankly, never going to be perfect, and that's fine. That's the beauty of life. In any situation and phase of life there's naturally going to be things you're not happy with. The key is being able to see all the things you can be grateful about. It's a practice I really value and has definitely improved my mental health. I also have a jar that I use to put notes in whenever a good thing happens. Then at the end of the year I plan to read them all. I think we get so hung up on the negative things that happen, as the brain tends to hyperfixate on that, that it's especially important to focus on the good that happens, and celebrate even the small wins. I'm very strict when it comes to protecting my peace nowadays.

Current direction, BREAKOUT

Breakout was an amazing experience. Performing at an underground venue like that had always been a dream of mine, especially growing up admiring underground rappers. It always had such a gritty and unique vibe, the past 2 years I've gone to alot of live concerts, big and small venues. I really really enjoy live music, so that's why I've done 2 in person shows this year. 3 if you want to count Dokomi, but there I was virtual but still backstage/realtime performance, and later M&G in person. One part I really love about it is meeting the OGenies. Even though in some settings I end up being rather shy. What I've realized however is that, while I love performing in person, I feel rather limited in what I can do. Yes we had the BREAKOUT background visual that I designed, and that definitely added to the concept of the show. but I realized that visuals is a really huge part of what I do. So for the coming time I'll be focussing on levelling up my virtual performances as well as content in general, and making new music, like an EP/Album, so I can perform this. I think one of the dreams I'm working towards right now is art directing and creating my own 3D album showcase live. Where i've made and designed the 3D environment myself, and hopefully also the cinematics that are tied to it. Not that I always want to be working alone, I prefer working in a team and collaborating, but I think the most important part about it is that I'm able to get my vision out there in some way. And as an indie, the reality is that you have to do a lot of it yourself. I don't mind that, I'm happy I've found a way with 3D. I remember making a lot of storyboards in the past, examples below, and never being able to create them because frame by frame animation is an absolutely massive time investment to do alone. Like I've seen people drawing short films, but usually noting that it took them one year to make. It doesn't help that I have no background in animation, nor have I been in an environment that would push me to find a workflow and be fast at drawing the shots. So I feel that 3D right now feels the most natural to me to delve into, I somehow have a knack for anything related to 3D, and have discovered I'm quite tech savvy. I take pride in my curiousity and drive to learn new things and innovate all the time. Next week I'm going to sign up for a Coloso course for Blender 3D Music Video creation. Just you wait guys, the best is really yet to come!

Unused storyboards from 2024, was supposed to be for a lore video click to make them larger

The edition of June is a little bit later than usual, one can say that I’ve been sorting out my thoughts and adjusting to streaming again.

For this edition I would like to focus on “Gratitude”. Which is really easy to lose sight of, while having goals that lie far in the future, or are a constant work in progress, it’s really easy for self-doubt to creep in during a lot of moments, and at the same time, being on autopilot when it comes to the routine and more menial tasks of life.

Honestly It’s during one of the Virtual Meet and Greet, where an OGenie said “You’ve had a very strong start of the first half of 2026” that the realisation hit for me. All this time I had been focussing on the wrong things, and worrying more than I should. You OGenies know it but, I truly have no other goal in life, outside of being a creator/musician. And, having been on this journey for 2 years now, it’s easy to lose sight comparing or to worry about growth, and while I’m a very, very small virtual creator/Vtuber, I’ve done many things I could only dream of doing in the past.

What is it I can be happy for right now? Being aware of the things that do go well is important while improving. Honestly, a lot of things have gone well recently. This year alone, I’ve had 3 memorable performances; Travelling to Austria, Vienna to open at the Kuwanano Live, which had 60-70 guests (hah), the TakoTori Day 3 performance which had over 300 people attending, with some of the funniest crowd interactions I’ve ever seen in my life, and most recently, the DoKomi Concert: Claroscuro Afterglow, which had, I don’t know how much people attending, but a very engaging and sweet audience, that was very invested and supportive. There’s some other good things that have happened, but even based on these performances and successful events alone, I have a lot to be happy about.

I FILMED UR WHOLE SONG pic.twitter.com/8OsGh2Nfj7

— Totora Mao ☀️🐯 (OL Arc 📈) (@TotoraMao) June 1, 2026

But I do, really, want to find a way to grow, and pave a path for myself. I recently got emotional about this in the making of stream. Times are changing and, right now,, I’m not sure where I belong, but I’ll dig out a path with my hands if necessary. And I think, part of getting there is changing and becoming the person I need to be. By being grateful, by meditating, by being aware of what I consume in a day (truly, doomscrolling on X for hours every day is the last thing one should do in the pursuit of happiness and focus, all in moderation, honestly…)

Right now I’m not the person I need to be, but I’ll become the person I need to be, while being mindful and grateful. Step by step. And if I can inspire you to become the best version of yourself as well, then that’s a big bonus. Thank you for all your support OGenies, truly.

I’ve been really sappy and introspective lately, but I’m going through a period of growth. Hopefully future IDN/Archive’s are more lighthearted, but I’m not sure. If anything, I’ll always keep it real with you, and speak my mind the best I can. Take care in the summer heat! -IDN/A OUT

2 weeks left until the concert. This time, not an entry at an ungodly hour, but during an incredibly stressful time. Namely, during concert prep. Tho, I felt while I have these fragile emotions, I wanted to note it down somewhere, it's different from when I look back on it, so I'll just take you OGenies on the journey, now i'm in the middle of it. I've spent the last week working on lyrics the whole time, for one verse. It happens to be a challenging beat and song, the kind I haven't done before. I realized, how little time I had spent on writing lyrics in the past year, as I was constantly hitting walls.

I tend to be a person with a great deal of self awareness, or so I thought, as I write my morning journals fairly frequently. Less so in busy times, and I was wondering why I was giving up so quickly. I would write lyrics, not get anywhere, I would get overwhelmed by the amount of pressure, and I could feel myself mentally collapse. At some points I couldn't think of a single line, or idea, or even a word. My head had been fully occupied with worries, stress, and self doubt. I didn't know how to stop the thoughts, so it resulted in me escaping instead, and napping, anything to have it quiet down. But, I realized, that to achieve my dream, I would have to overcome this... character trait. The places I want to go, the things I want to achieve, would have a lot more pressure in store for me.

So only one answer remains: To become a challenger. To break down what had shaped me in the past. And to create something new. A new version of myself. A version of myself that will be used to the pressure, and face it head on instead of escaping into comfort. I think, now my 2.0 debut is nearing, and Dokomi is the very place where that will happen, I want my 2.0 debut to symbolize that. That this new version of myself is stronger. That I will overcome the challenge. And I still haven't finalized the verse, I'm dealing with alot of uncertainty right now ,but, I want to prove to myself that I can change, so I will write the verse. Even if it means pulling allnighters. I will become the person that I need to become, and it's genuinely going to take blood sweat and tears to "redefine" my DNA.

Thank you for reading and I hope to show you OGenies not only a new original song, but a new version of myself, in 2 weeks from now. I'll fight. BYEDN/A

4:26 am as of writing this entry. Well, I only recovered from my illness today, and a surge of energy came to me at the most ungodly of hours, so honestly I might as well spend some time writing. In hopes that I will get some sleep at a ... relatively decent hour.

Either way, you're now on my brand new web page! Wowee! I've always admired neocities websites as I feel it retains the identity and individuality websites used to have. Make sure to browse the other websites on neocities when you have time. They're all so intricate and made with much love. Even with my limited knowledge in css and html, after a lot of research, I was able to express myself in a simplified format. It's cool right? It's truly the vibes you'd expect from me right? Or maybe I'm showing a side you didn't expect. Maybe you're discovering new sides to me. Well, I did make quite the shift in branding recently, but I have to admit that ID, N/A, (Identity no answer) may have found her identity! Not that I would change my name, but I think I'm the most true to myself I've ever been with this 2.0 arc. I thought of whoisid/whoisidna when I was at a loss of my own identity and purpose in this world, and in the end, the answer could never have been closer to home. Really, I feel like my current self is very much a grown up version of the self I used to be.

who is that? #IDNArts 🧬⛓️ pic.twitter.com/bFGB4Hjvfq

— kokomi🐰💕 (@kokomiin) April 8, 2026

I swear the way Kokomi draws me always makes me so happy

Lately I've been really into Sui Ishida's artwork, the mangaka of Tokyo Ghoul, and it reminded me how there was a character, a female tattoo artist whose style I really adored even years ago. Ah, I just googled and it was a male character. Damn. I don't know why my mind registered him as a girl. Either way his name is "Uta". Something about his style and way of living I thought was very cool.( I don't remember much details though, so a reread is due...) In that same era, I read Nana as well. Nana resonated with me even then. And yet, I was as furthest as I could ever be in discovering my identity. Often in the wrong environment, I think I wandered this world feeling lost for the longest time. Just floating. Ofcourse, there's alot of regret. But in the end, all we have is the present, and the present is a gift, and every day we are given is a gift. I'd like to believe there's still a place for me out there somewhere, a place where I can be the fulltime creator I desire to be, despite starting my journey so "late". But at the very least I can confidently say I'm myself now. And my art and work will reflect that more and more. Looking back 2 years since my debut, my art has really changed from day to night, and the art styles are barely comparable anymore. It's a fascinating shift, and a shift I'm proud of, even if It feels like I haven't gotten much closer to my dream. Somehow, it feels like things will start picking up more from now on. Either way, I'll keep believing and strengthening my belief and focus. I'm currently working on another big project which will see it's premiere soon. Less than 2 months from now. It will be a project that expresses my journey so far (and the journey of others). I hope you'll enjoy the show that is bound to happen.

Sorry for the radio silence, I had intended on writing an IDN/ARCHIVE much earlier, but every time I was like "I want my newest post to be on my website" and then it ended up taking months. I can assure you I will update it more from now on. Thank you for your patience and support, OGenies

im going to put this on my fridge(by Steph @UnicornSocks13

BYEDN/A

empty post so I remember the code (heh)